The Sweetest Sting

Most of us have felt the pain of a sharp sting from a bee, a wasp or ant. Most of us would describe the sting we felt as "painful". Yes, indeed, but did you know that there was a way to actually describe and therefore measure these hurtful memories? Thanks to the brave and now tender-armed Justin O. Schmidt there is a scientifically published sting index.

Like the points system for a bottle of fine wine the Schmidt Sting Index describes in painful detail and awards a number to those sharp shots from the little buzzers.

First let's just get something out of the way - stinging is the act where a special organ called a stinger is used to deliver venom to kill, stun or repel the victim. Some insects bite, which is not called stinging. A spider does not sting, but it does "envenom" (I love that word). A mosquito can only "bite" to take a blood meal. And just to hopefully confirm your suspicions the ants in the Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull movie do not exist.

The stinger is actually a modified ovipositor - fancy word for a non-working tube where eggs come out. The stinger is hollow and connected to venom glands in the insect's body. But most bees, ants, etc. do not have to lay eggs, just defend their homes. And for those of you paying attention the possession of a stinger also means that the sting is from a female. That's right - males are innocent here.

Schmidt offered his own arm for the rating system. A score of zero (0) describes a sting that is "completely ineffective to humans" and like an honor student a 4.0+ is, well, like a bullet. Here is the index. I will save my story about some of these species (which are found in the U.S.) for later...

Schmidt sting index*

• 1.0 Sweat bee: Light, ephemeral, almost fruity. A tiny spark has singed a single hair on your arm.
• 1.2 Fire ant: Sharp, sudden, mildly alarming. Like walking across a shag carpet & reaching for the light switch.
• 1.8 Bullhorn acacia ant: A rare, piercing, elevated sort of pain. Someone has fired a staple into your cheek.
•  2.0 Bald-faced hornet: Rich, hearty, slightly crunchy. Similar to getting your hand mashed in a revolving door.
• 2.0 Yellowjacket: Hot and smoky, almost irreverent. Imagine W. C. Fields extinguishing a cigar on your tongue.
• 2.x Honey bee and European hornet: Like a matchhead that flips off and burns on your skin.
• 3.0 Red harvester ant: Bold and unrelenting. Somebody is using a drill to excavate your ingrown toenail.
• 3.0 Paper wasp: Caustic & burning. Distinctly bitter aftertaste. Like spilling a beaker of hydrochloric acid on a paper cut.
•  4.0 Tarantula hawk: Blinding, fierce, shockingly electric. A running hair drier has been dropped into your bubble bath.
• 4.0+ Bullet ant: Pure, intense, brilliant pain. Like fire-walking over flaming charcoal with a 3-inch rusty nail in your heel.

*Schmidt, Justin O. "Hymenoptera venoms: striving toward the ultimate defense against vertebrates" in D. L. Evans and J. O. Schmidt (Eds.), "Insect defenses: adaptive mechanisms and strategies of prey and predators" pp. 387-419, State University of New York Press, Albany, 1990.